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Writer's pictureKarlien

4 Common Arguments For and Against Pressuring Your Child to Finish their Lunch Box

Updated: Jan 16

Recently, my 7-year-old had been returning home with hardly any food eaten from his lunchbox, despite our attempts to change the food to something he agreed to eat. As you can imagine, this situation was quite frustrating, especially given the high cost of food in Singapore (and around the world). I put in a lot of effort to prepare his lunch, and he needs to eat something during the long school day.


So, I was faced with a dilemma: do I implement coercive strategies to get him to eat his school lunch, or do I stick with my "no pressure" approach to feeding?


Children's lunch box

To clarify, “coercive strategies” can represent a range of pressuring or forcing tactics and, for example, can vary between offering incentives (giving sweets for an empty lunch box) or enforcing punishments (like no screen time) for an unfinished lunch box. It can also include continuing to serve the unfinished food at the following meals until it’s finished.


Therefore, there are different scenarios, and some children might come home with an empty lunch box only to avoid the negative consequence or find themselves potentially being forced to eat their lunch box items after school. It is also worth noting pressuring to eat differs from asking a child if they still wanted something perfectly edible from their lunch box after school before packing it away.


While we all have different parenting styles and a unique set of circumstances, sharing my decision-making process with you could be helpful. It may give you something to consider if you face a similar situation.


4 Common Arguments For Insisting Your Child Finish Their Lunch Box.

child eating lunch at school

1. Most of the time, it achieves the goal.

If your main goal is for the food in the lunch box not to be in the lunch box anymore, then it is a pretty effective way to get the job done. That is if you have a relatively agreeing child.


2. It feels like the right thing to do.

Ensuring our children are fed feels like our number one job as a parent. As a dietitian and a parent, I know the importance of children having access to nourishing foods to support their learning and growth throughout the school day. So when I am not there to make sure my kids are concentrating on eating, using pressure like incentives or punishment feels like I can parent them from afar (or at least give me the illusion thereof). It also feels good because it teaches them to care for their bodies, right?


3. It feels like you are addressing the problem of wasted food and resources.

I know first-hand the time, effort, and resources that go into planning, prepping and packing a child's lunchbox. To date, I have packed over 1,300 lunchboxes, and I won’t lie, it’s not my favourite thing to do. I also hate food waste and find throwing food in a bin triggering.


4. Maintaining the status quo is easy.

I don’t want to presume I know you, but if I could guess, I would probably say you were forced to finish your lunch box as a child, and if you ask around, it is what most of your friends and peers are doing. It feels good to be part of the group, and many parents don’t have the capacity to question the status quo. As a mother recently told me, “I just don’t have the time to think about all this”.


I understand that many children receive lunch from their school cafeteria. Each school may have a specific policy regarding pressuring kids to finish their food. Some schools may run "clean plate" campaigns or discourage children from throwing away food. Teachers may also receive conflicting messages, as some parents might ask them to encourage their children to eat while others might ask them not to. As a solution, I offer workshops to schools on how to set up effective food policies.

4 Common Reasons Against Pressuring Your Child to Finish Their Lunch Box

children sharing lunch box at school

1. It’s not really safe.

From a food hygiene point of view, eating food left in a lunch box isn’t that safe to eat after a day at school (in any environment, but definitely in a hot climate like Singapore). Two ice packs in an unopened cooler will keep food safe until lunchtime but not much longer afterwards. This is especially true for freshly prepared foods such as sandwiches, eggs, meat, soft cheese, pesto, pasta, rice, etc. Foods that have been at room temperature for longer than two hours have an increased risk of carrying food-borne diseases and can cause serious illness in children.


Some foods, like unopened packaged foods or unpeeled fruit (think granola bars, crackers or bananas), are still safe to eat but can also be kept and used another day. Or, in the case of uneaten fruit that has lost its quality, it can stored in a “leftover fruit container” in the freezer and used for smoothies or fruit puree, coulis or compote.


2. It's not aligned with Responsive Feeding and doesn’t respect a child’s appetite and nurture body autonomy.

Growing kids have unique appetites that can vary from day to day. Some days, they might be ravenous, while others may not feel like eating much at all. Additionally, the school environment (for example, a stressful or exciting event with sensory stimuli like noise) can affect a child's appetite, just as ours.


Insisting they finish their lunch box can override their body autonomy and natural hunger and satiety cues, creating longer-term problems with self-regulation. Body autonomy is essential in self-care, so insisting they override this is not teaching them about caring for their bodies.


3. In the long run, it most likely doesn’t help reduce food waste and can lead to more covert behaviour.

Research shows that when kids feel pressured to eat, it can turn mealtimes into a battleground, and they can be more likely to leave food at other meals unfinished, develop food aversions and picky eating habits and lead to more food wastage down the line.


In my experience, kids are smart and resourceful. Many children (especially those with a strong sense of autonomy) will find ways to hide, swap or get rid of uneaten food before coming home if they know there are unwanted consequences for not finishing their lunch boxes. If you don’t believe me, look in the bin closest to the cafeteria after lunch the next time you are at your child’s school.

Many more effective strategies exist to reduce food waste. Check out my blog posts about Rethinking Food Waste and 8 Ways to Reduce Food Waste as a Family.

4. It misses valuable opportunities for connection and learning.

Instead of forcing your child to finish their lunch, you could use the opportunity to engage in open and empathetic communication. A half-eaten or untouched lunch box tells you about your child’s day. You might learn something when meeting this with curiosity instead of judgment and punishment. For example, start with a “I've noticed you aren't eating your lunch the same way you used to. Is everything okay at school?" or use an age-appropriate approach. It is also an opportunity for them to learn about themselves, their relationship with food and perhaps even some food prep skills.


With my 7-year-old, I realised I initially came up with a solution for a problem that worked for me (I will make you a different type of sandwich), but it wasn’t the right solution for him (he didn’t want any sandwiches anymore). Also, I fear that a lack of nutritional knowledge or a need to recreate Pinterest-worthy lunch boxes makes us pack food that isn’t practical to eat in a school setting e.g. takes too long to chew.


Children eating snack at school

After a much more in-depth discussion with my son, we both realised he was bored of sandwiches, and his appetite had changed. So, with his input, we completely changed his lunch box. We reduced the quantity, chose quick-to-eat foods resembling more of a snack platter, and planned a more substantial breakfast and meal after school. So far, it has been going well. We seldom have food waste, and he happily helps me prepare some items beforehand (“Anything but a sandwich, Mom”). Things might change again, but we both learned valuable lessons.


Ultimately, you are the expert on your child and family, and sometimes, there are things you need to consider that are unique to your family. So I trust you will know, given your capacity and current situation, what the most helpful approach is. If you have any other pros or cons to add, please comment below!

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