More Than the Mirror: How to Help Kids Develop a Positive and Resilient Body Image from the Start
- Karlien
- May 16
- 7 min read
Updated: May 19
Everyday Habits That Help Kids Appreciate and Accept Their Bodies.
When your child looks in the mirror, what do they see? Is it curiosity? Acceptance? Frustration? Criticism?
Body image isn’t just about what they see, it’s about how they feel in their body, how they talk to themselves, and how safe they feel showing up in their own skin. It even affects how likely they are to raise their hand in class. [1]
And for many kids today, that relationship with their body is becoming complicated earlier than we might expect.
A recent national survey found that one in two teens (aged 12–18) is dissatisfied with their body.[1] Girls as young as six report wanting to be thinner. [2] Boys often wish they were bigger or more muscular.
This isn’t because something is wrong with their bodies. It’s because of the world they’re growing up in, one shaped by social media, fitspo trends, diet culture, and narrow definitions of beauty and strength.
But body image doesn’t just start online. It begins much closer to home - in the words we use, the jokes we make, the way we talk about food and bodies in our everyday lives.
So, what is body image?
It’s not just about how we look in the mirror. Body image refers to how we perceive, think about, and relate to our bodies, and can refer to the shape, size, gender, function, and ability of our bodies.
Our body image can be positive, negative, neutral, or somewhere in between. It often shifts based on age, experience, environment, and even the day!
You can think of body image as a spectrum:
body hate → tolerance → respect → acceptance → appreciation → love → liberation
body neutrality → trust → compassion → confidence
Two helpful frameworks that are often discussed regarding body image are as follows:
Body Positivity says: All bodies are worthy of love and celebration.
Body Neutrality says: I am more than a body, and it doesn't have to look a certain way to be worthy of care and respect.
I believe both are important, and children need to hear both to develop a healthy and resilient body image.
And in the powerful words of Sonya Renee Taylor, author of The Body Is Not an Apology:
The body is the only consistent home we will ever have. Radical self-love demands that we make that home safe and worthy of us.
We have been taught that our bodies are a problem to be solved. Radical self-love insists that our bodies are an opportunity to be embraced.
How can we promote a healthier body image in everyday life?
As a dietitian who works with families, I often remind parents: You don’t need the perfect script. There’s no one right way to talk about bodies.
What matters most is the environment we create, day in and day out. The mirror doesn’t just shape body image. It’s shaped by how safe a child feels in their body, how free they feel to express themselves, and the subtle messages they receive at home.
If we cannot feel at home in our skins, where else are we supposed to go?
Marilyn Wann, weight diversity speaker, author of FAT!SO?, activist
Here are five everyday habits that help lay the foundation for positive and resilient body image in kids and teens.
A note on inclusivity
Body image can be especially complex for children who live with chronic illness or disability, are transgender, non-binary, or gender diverse, or who rarely see bodies like theirs reflected in the media or community.
For example, a child living with chronic pain or a disability may struggle to “love their body” in the way mainstream messages suggest.
That’s why it’s essential to personalise your support, to meet your child where they are, not where the culture says they “should” be. If you need help finding language that feels more affirming for your child’s unique experience, please feel free to reach out.
Speak Kindly (or Neutrally) About Bodies—Especially Your Own
Children are always listening, even when we think they’re not. When they hear adults talk about “losing weight,” “feeling fat,” or needing to fix or change their appearance, they absorb the message that how we look determines our value.
This doesn’t mean you have to fake loving every part of your body. It’s okay to have complicated feelings about your appearance; most of us do. But what does matter is the language you use out loud.
Aim to model respect for your body, even if you’re still working on acceptance. You can start small:
Speak about your body as something you care for, not something you fight with.
Replace self-criticism with self-compassion, curiosity or a neutral perspective.
And when something slips out (because it will!), use it as a repair moment:
“I realised I said something unkind about my body earlier. That’s not how I want to talk about myself, or anyone else.”
These small moments of awareness add up — and they show your child that it’s possible to treat your body with care, even while you’re still figuring things out. To learn more about things to avoid saying in front of children, you can read a previous blog.
2. Focus on how Bodies Feel and what they do, Not Just How They Look
I’m not saying you should never tell your child they’re beautiful. In fact, I’d argue they need to hear that from us, especially in a world that sends confusing and unrealistic messages about appearance. However, we don’t want them to feel that their worth is tied only to how they look — or that we think they’re only beautiful when they’re dressed up, filtered, or perfectly put together.
As the saying goes:
The way I look is the least interesting thing about me.
So, the message we want to send is twofold:
I think you’re beautiful just the way you are, and
That’s the least important thing I love about you.
Here are a few everyday ways to reinforce this:
Whisper how beautiful they are when they’re sweaty after a game, curled up in pyjamas, or dripping wet after a swim.
Remind them often: “Nothing about the way you look will ever change how much I love you.”
Ask questions that centre on how it felt rather than how it looked, like “How did it feel when you ran and scored that goal? Did you hear the crowd?” after a school performance or football match.
When shopping or trying on clothes, ask “How does it feel on your body?” instead of only“How does it look?”
These small shifts help move the focus from appearance to embodiment, how it feels to be in their body, not just how it looks from the outside.
3. Talk About Food with Neutrality, Not Morality
I’m a dietitian; food and nutrition are my special interests. I could talk about it for hours. But here’s the thing: my kids don’t need constant nutrition commentary to develop a healthy relationship with food. In fact, too much talk can backfire.
Phrases like “That’s bad for you” or “You’ve had enough” can create shame, confusion, or even secrecy around eating. What does help is approaching food with curiosity instead of judgment.
Here are a few ways to model food neutrality at home:
Call food by its name. It’s a donut, not “junk,” “crap,” or “toxic.”
Discuss food like a science teacher, applying STEM principles. Talk about where food comes from - how it's grown, made, or cooked - without demonising any part of the process. Teach curiosity, not fear.
Read books or watch shows about food, especially those that showcase different cultures.
Teach children basic food cooking and preparation skills.
Show them what balanced meals look like with the food you serve at home (they don't need to eat it to be exposed to it).
Avoid moral labels. Food is not “good” or “bad.” It’s just food, and all food can play a role.
In short, a lot more modelling and experiences and a lot less telling. Neutral food habits help kids feel safe around eating and their desires, allowing them to develop body trust and confidence without fear or guilt.
4. Make Room for Diversity (and Name What’s Missing)
Representation matters, and so does naming the lack of it.
When you watch shows or scroll through social media together, invite your child to notice what they see — and what they don’t see. You might say:
I noticed most of the characters in this show are really thin and look similar. Do you think that’s what people actually look like in real life?
Normalise the idea that bodies come in all shapes, sizes, colours, and abilities. And actively seek out books and media that reflect that.
5. Connection, Connection, Connection
At the heart of all of this is one thing: relationship.
When a child feels emotionally safe, they’re more likely to open up about their thoughts and more willing to accept your guidance. Emotional safety is the foundation for every meaningful conversation, especially those about body image, friendship dynamics, or self-worth.
If you’re not sure what to say in the moment, come back to this simple phrase:
I’m so glad you told me.
And if the conversation doesn’t go as planned? That’s okay. You can always return to it later with warmth and care:
Hey, I’ve been thinking about what you said yesterday. It really matters to me. Can we talk more about it when you’re ready?
Your calm presence, your willingness to listen, and your choice to keep showing up—those are the things that create lasting impact. Connection is the key.
What If They Do Say, “I Hate My Body”?
If you’ve read this and thought, ‘But what do I say when my child says “I hate my body”?’ — you’re not alone. That’s precisely why I created this workshop with counsellor Vicky Harris-Little...
How to Respond When Your Child Struggles with Body Image
🗓 Thursday 29 May | 🕖 7–9pm | 📍 The Other Clinic, Singapore
We’ll walk you through how to respond in the moment, what not to say, and five strategies to foster a body-positive home.
🎟 One ticket includes entry for your partner or co-parent.
References:
Butterfly Foundation (2023). Body Kind Youth Survey: Your body image, Your voice 2023 report.
Lowes J, Tiggemann M. Body dissatisfaction, dieting awareness and the impact of parental influence in young children. Br J Health Psychol. 2003 May;8(Pt 2):135-47. doi: 10.1348/135910703321649123. PMID: 12804329.
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