The holidays are here! They are a time for joy, connection, and delicious traditional foods. But let’s face it - the season can also bring disrupted routines, sensory overload, and the occasional awkward family moment.
As parents and role models, we significantly shape how our kids perceive food, bodies, and self-worth. And unfortunately, diet culture often sneaks onto the menu during holiday celebrations. Kids are like sponges—they absorb everything we say, and our words can shape their relationship with food and body image for years to come. So this blog will focus on six phrases to avoid around your children this holiday and to avoid spreading diet culture.
Placing the blame where it belongs
I don’t blame parents (or any individual) for diet culture or weight stigma. Parents are just the messengers of the harmful cultural obsession with thinness and beauty. As parents, we, too, have received these messages from family, peers, media, and even weight-biased healthcare practitioners. For most parents and family members, these comments are an attempt to keep their children and loved ones safe in a world they know despises anything other than thin. We know (1) that the larger your body, the less likely you are to have your health concerns taken seriously and to advance in the workplace. You are also more likely to experience social exclusion, bullying, harassment and assault. All of which can lead to chronic distress, documented health consequences and disordered eating. So, who do I blame? The societal structures that got us here.
Here are six common phrases to avoid around kids this holiday to avoid spreading diet culture and what to say instead.
"I’m being so naughty for eating this."
This seemingly harmless comment assigns moral value to food, teaching kids that some foods make you “good” and others make you “bad.” For kids already prone to black-and-white thinking, this can lead to guilt and shame around their own food choices.
Try instead: “This is so delicious. I haven’t had it in ages - I’m really enjoying it!”
“If you’re good, you can have a treat.”
Using food as a reward teaches kids to associate eating with behaviour, reinforcing the idea that some foods are more “worthy” than others. This can set the stage for emotional eating or guilt later in life.
Try instead: “Would you like a cookie? There are so many tasty things to enjoy today!”
3. “Are you sure you want to eat that?”
Even well-meaning comments like this can plant seeds of doubt about a child’s ability to listen to their body. Worse, it can lead to shame about their food choices. Remember, we eat for many reasons besides hunger—connection, celebration, and joy are all valid.
Try instead: Say nothing or connect in another way: “It feels like I haven’t seen you all day. How are you doing?”
4. “I’ve gained so much weight this holiday. When we get home, the diet starts.”
Comments about weight gain or dieting convey that body changes are something to fear or fix. Kids grow and change constantly—it’s a normal, healthy part of life. Let’s model acceptance instead of fear.
Try instead:“This has been such a lovely time. I feel so grateful for all the yummy food and good company. But I am ready to go home now. I miss our home life.”
5. “Wow, you’ve lost so much weight—you look amazing!”
While it might seem like a compliment, praising weight loss reinforces the idea that thinner is better and ties appearance to worth. Kids who hear this may believe they must change their bodies to be valued or loved.
Try instead: “It’s so great to see you! How have you been?”
6. “Did you see how much weight [so-and-so] gained?”
Judging and commenting on someone else’s body—especially in a negative way—teaches kids to do the same. They might assume you’d criticise them if their bodies change (and they will as they grow older!). Worse, they could mimic this behaviour, leading to appearance-based bullying among peers.
Try instead: “It’s been ages since I’ve seen [so-and-so]. I should reach out and catch up - it would be nice to hear how she’s doing.”
BONUS: Handling Diet Talk from Others
You’ve worked hard to break the cycle of diet culture in your home, but what about when Uncle Tom can’t help himself at the dinner table? Here’s how to navigate those tricky moments:
Scenario 1: The Comment Is Directed at Your Child
Speak up immediately: “Well, we don’t see it like that, do we?” (Put your arm around your child for added reassurance.) You can even add, “They’re growing perfectly, and we’re so proud of them!” Then, gently change the subject.
Later, check in privately: “Did you hear what Uncle Tom said? What did you think about that? I didn’t agree with him at all.” This validates your child’s feelings and reinforces your family values.
Scenario 2: The Comment Isn’t Directed at Your Child
Letting it slide in the moment and gently changing the topic is okay, especially if it’s not worth the argument. Later, you can discuss it privately with your child:
“What did you think when Aunt Sarah said she’s ‘being so bad’ for eating dessert? I think she grew up in a time where she was told she was bad for wanting certain foods, but that isn’t how we do things, right?”.
Why It Matters
Kids don’t just hear our words—they absorb the attitudes behind them. When we assign judgment or moral value to food and bodies, we teach them to do the same. Over time, this can damage their self-esteem, lead to disordered eating, or encourage appearance-based bullying. But here’s the good news: we can create a positive, shame-free environment for our kids. By modelling compassion and neutrality, we can help them grow up with a healthier relationship with food, their bodies, and themselves. And even extend our compassion to those not yet where we are in this journey of creating a resilient and positive body image for ourselves and our children.
So, let’s ditch the diet talk and give our kids the gift of joyful, guilt-free holidays.
Happy holidays! May your season be filled with love, laughter, and moments that truly nourish you.
Need help navigating food and body image conversations with your kids? Let’s collaborate to develop a family-centred approach that empowers your child and supports your goals.
Contact me today to find out how we can work together!
References:
Pervasiveness, impact and implications of weight stigma. Brown, A et al. eClinicalMedicine, Volume 47, 101408, 2022
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